Pet peeves

By Jack Hoffman

I was sitting alone in a restaurant not so long ago when I noticed two lovely co-eds next to me conversing at a speed faster than Don Garlitz’s dragster. What was unusual: both were gabbing away at each other while one girl was text messaging. My curiosity got me to ask the texter: did you understand anything your friend just said? – No – “In any case, if she wanted to say something to me, she could have text [ed] me,” the co-ed said.

Next puzzling incident: I’m standing in a bakery, hoping to be waited on soon. The salesgirl was too busy texting away while I tapped my nails away. May I ask you: what’s more important than waiting on a customer?

“ I wanted to tell my friends it was a slow day,” she said. I proceeded to ask some condescending questions – bad Jack. First I asked about her schooling; she’s a second-year student at Cape Cod College. Do you know who the governor is? “No”- Do you know your two senators? -No- “Well, I’m not into politics” Which is the usual response. “Who determines how much you will pay for tuition”? – Couldn’t resist those politicians who you hand over 30% of your pay to.

Next: a graduate of a very elite college in upstate New York. Can you tell me all the text messages and message senders there are out there? She ran through the list like reading from Webster’s … .
Do you ever text in class? Oh sure – there is even a text software for just that. I asked her how much did your folks pay for your education? – Oh! About $40,000.

Did you ever text while driving? – Sometimes, but my mom always does.

How the hell do you text message while driving? I once saw a lady on Route 9 texting, eating her lunch AND buzzing along at 40 MPH.

I’m having a family reunion of sorts with my son and wife at a very lavish restaurant. During the entire meal my son kept texting friends. Justin, I ask him, what is so important that you have to text while we are having this family get together? So what was your last dribble on the keys? “I told my friends I’m having supper with my mom and dad.”

How about “Spacebook”? Can be a very useful site. Did you know that every day Spacebook commits thousands of crimes? They violate all laws relating to copyrighted material – no one sues because they are that big. This is easy: you cannot use the creative material of an author, media outlet, movies and more. Read that F.B.I. notice before you watch that next video.

Several months ago I started getting e-mails that directed me to Facebook. I never knew I had so many friends!!! Some I never even heard of. Now I take my friendships very seriously. If you want to be an acquaintance, OK. But you are not necessarily my friend.

Another bee in my bonnet: Why is it that those who wear a baseball cap tilt the visor to the rear? Or to the left or right? Just cut the fucker off!

Now I know we once wore jeans pegged pants and suede shoes. I doubt we were making some kind of fashion statement. Now just think for a while – we want to call it fashion. Yes, well think again. Why is the word “fashion” so close to “fascist” in the dictionary? There is nothing about fashion compared to the only kid on the block who wore green pegged pants with leopard skin seams and a gold chain belt. My shrink can answer that.

How about pulling into Dunkin Donuts and looking at 10 plus cars waiting in the “drive through” line and no one inside the place. You are the only one inside, and you wait and wait and wait. If you wait in line at any one of those drive through windows, how many times do they get your order wrong? So why wait?!

Even more annoying, why oh why when you order Chinese to go do they always forget the mustard or sweet sauce? Maybe even one main dish.

My list just goes on and on. How about you? Send us some of the things that just piss you off! We’ll publish your lists in InCity Times!

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