By Rosalie Tirella

This could only happen in Worcester – city of incompetent pinheads. About 50 minutes ago I went to our P.O. Box – in the Quinsigamond Village post office on Greenwood Street – to check for ICTimes mail/letters to the editor. I got a letter from a nut – possibly a dangerous one: John Mahan from Clinton.

A few months ago, I got a letter from John Mahan of Clinton that was covered with brown powder. That is when I tore open the envelope, the note iside was covered in brown powder. It made my eyes burn and water and my throat felt like it was on fire. I immediatley threw it out and told the post office guy – the one behind the desk where the walls are covered with posters on what you CANNOT mail after 9/11. Perfume, nail polish, etc.

Thinking my local US post office branch would know how to handle this all, I was surprised when the postal worker on duty behind the counter was not at all helpful. Like all hacks, he told me to take the letter to his bosses – the main post office downtown.

I didn’t do what he said because I did not think people should be driving through the city of Worcester with anthrax or other toxic chemicals. I thought a procedure should have been in place at EVERY local post office branch – including mine in Quinsig Village on Greenwood Street. It’s after 9/11 – even US postal service people need to use their brains to think. And NOT PASS THE BUCK.

But I remembered the name/return address on the envelope: John Mahan of Clinton – and said to myself: next time I would do something about this guy.

Well, today I got another letter from John Mahan of Clinton. It bulged like it contained more toxic crap (hydrocloric acid??). I went up to the postal worked in the Quinsig Village post office branch – Steve Seargent – and told him what I just told you – and that I got another letter and it looked suspicious. “Sarge” is what everyone calls this guy – great nick name for someone who just punches in and out of work – and shouldn’t be expected to take the lead on anything.

“Steve,” I said, “I got another letter from this John Mahan – I know it has something toxic in it. I don’t want it.” And I placed the bulging letter on the post office counter.

I asked him could he do something about this.

He said no and that I shoud take it to the main post office.

“But it’s toxic!”

I told Steve: Isn’t there some procedure in place for YOU – or any post office guy/gal in any of the US post office brances in the city of Worcester – to handle this? I am NOT driving around town with this in my car. Any form I can fill out? Any anything?

Steve Seargeant said no. Then he said he would give me an envelope to put my crappy letter in, so I could drive it to the main office downtown. He would not even TOUCH my letter. I said NO and that I won’t accept the toxic letter.

Steve said: Well, you need to throw it away.

He would not touch the envelope.

I said: I am not touching this! Then “Sarge” Seargeant just stared at me – a blank (stupid or admant?) expression on his face. Disgusted by his total lack of professionalism/brain neurons, I took the waste basket near the counter, brought it up to the counter, and then with some change of address packets, brushed John Mahan’s toxic letter into the wastebasket. The I put the basket down and left.

The letter is still sitting in the Qunsig Village post office wastepaper basket.

Why are folks in this town such lazy, incompetent morons?

Why couldn’t Steve – or the fucking post office – handle this problem? Weren’t they all supposed to be trained re: this stuff after 9/11 and all the terrorist crap. Their walls are covered with instructions re: toxic substances in the mail.

Obviousyly, Osama Bin Laden could come into Worcester and wreak havoc NO PROBLEMO – thanks to Steve Seargeant and our US Post Office.

On the road in my car I thought: I will do something about this! I’ll call Ron Madnick at the American Civil Liberties Union of Worcester County! He can help me!

Well, I called ol’ Ron, who is also running for state rep in the 13’th district and used to be a panelist on my TV show. Everyone I talked to said Ron was pretty incompetent as the ACLU’s go-to guy in Worcester. Even though Ron was always well-spoken on my TV show (he always saved caustic remarks/his true feelings AFTER the cameras stopped filming) – my sources were correct. Ron is a pointless weeny.

Rose to Ron: “Ron, help!” (I tell Ron everything)

Ron to Rose: “Call the FBI. They have a Worcester office.”

Rose to Ron: Can I have the phone number, Ron? I’m on the road.

Ron to Rose: I don’t know the number, Rose.

Rose: Ron, you’re in your office. Can you look it up in the phone book?

Ron: No I can’t, Rose. My eyes are bad – I can’t see the tiny print in the phone book.

Rose: (getting pissed) Ron!

Ron: Here’s a 1-800 federal number. Call it and ask for the FBI Worcester office.

So I do. The number is no longer in service. I call Ron again! Busy, busy busy signal.

Finally: “Ron, it’s Rose. The phone number doesn’t work.”

Ron: Rose, try the federal court house.

Rose: What’s the number, Ron?

Ron: I don’t know it.

Rose: (thinking: You incompetent ninny. How dare you run for political office and represent hundreds of people on important issues when YOU CAN’T EVEN COME UP WITH A fucking PHONE NUMBER?!!)

Rose: (thinking: be nice) “Ron, are you at a desk?” (Ron says “yes”)

Rose: “Then, Ron, Google FBI, Worcester and phone number. That will give you their phone number.”

Ron: (sounding put out) : OK. I’ll call you back with the number.

As of this blogging, Ron has not called me back.

So, to the Worcester FBI folks (where ever you are): A guy named John Mahan from Clinton mails out letters with toxic brown shit inside – hysdrocloric acid? It lands in the Quinsig Village post office. The post office folks (Steve Seargeant) are morons and don’t have any idea what to do with it – don’t want to have anything to do with it. I called our local ACLU office but they are useless morons, also.

Please help.

And good luck, FBI, Worcester bureau. You have your work cut out for you, here, in Worcester, city of morons.