By Rosalie Tirella

The royal wedding. It’s tomorrow, and it’s a lot of make-believe and phoniness wrapped in taffeta. A total waste of time! And yet the world gawks and gawks! Amazing! We love famous people – even if they are famous for accomplishing nothing – or, as in the prince’s case, having had the good luck (or bad, depending on how you look at it) of popping out of the late Princess Di’s too tragic uterus.

America is (supposed to be) a meritocracy. We rejected all this royal pain in the ass stuff more than 200 years ago. And yet American tourists, along with other crazies, are supposed to converge on England and dump around $80 million in tourism bucks (according to NPR). What’s more, the Brits seem just as besotted. Reports say they are pleased as punch about the nuptuals; in surveys Brits say the royal wedding will get them out of the doldrums.

While I love Shakespeare, Ricky Gervais and Monty Python (cuz they’re brilliant), I don’t give a damn about the prince (is he the one who stupidly wore the Hitler outfit?). Thank you, but I prefer to get excited about England’s health care system: universal health care, which means all Brits – like everyone else in Western Europe, Canada and Cuba – get excellent care for nothing. If you are rich, poor, middle class, black, white, dying of cancer, struggling with a brain tumor, strong as an ox – your medical bills are ZERO. Nothing! No matter what your situation – no matter what your state of health. The Brits understand that sometimes WE matters more than ME. They, like the folks in France and Canada, have longer life expectencies than Americans. In fact, our health care systems are so fucked up that we rate way down the list – just above Slovenia. And guess what? A baby born in El Salvador has a greater chance of surviving than a baby born in Detroit, Michigan.

Pathetic.

So tomorrow, while the rest of the world oohs and ahhs over England’s royal couple and their wedding guests, gowns, gropes, grips and gripers, I will be toasting their health care system.

If America had universal health care, Worcester – along with every other city and town in America – would not be in the fix she’s in with her municipal unions and their ever skyrocketing health care costs. We would have branch libraries and art classes and free college for everyone!

England, here we come?