Tag Archives: Wonderpoop

Panhandling

Is Wonderpoop kidding us? Is he deceiving ICT web readers? This A-1 libel-er cannot be trusted! So before you read his next piece, rest assured: because Wonderpoop is so darned unprofessional, we are demoting him to ICT website INTERN. After all, he is working for us for FREE!

R.T.

Panhandling

By ICT website intern Wonderpoop

I’ve been called many thing in my life, but never White Trash. Until recently that is.

While shopping at Santiago’s Market I inadvertently bumped into a fat black woman with my shopping cart. Although I apologized profusely she obviously wasn’t impressed with my sincerity and felt a severe tongue lashing was in order. For the record, I do have impeccable manners.

White trash huh? Maybe it had to do with my appearance – camos, black t-shirt, a three day growth, and smelling like motor oil. So I got to thinking. Do appearances send a message? Or was it really a racially motivated incident? This is Wusta after all. An aside – I know a couple dudes who look pretty rough around the edges (according to my wife), but gentlemen to the core.

So I thought I’d do a social experiment in order to observe the locals reaction; hoping to disprove that my race was a factor in that encounter. Ya think there’s prejudiced folk in Wusta? So me and my buddy Wayne headed to City Hall for a session of panhandling. Me in camos etc. Wayne in khakis and sweater.

The results were conclusive: Most folk dislike panhandlers, especially pushy ones and those that smell. Happily I can report my race played no significant role. Because I did manage some coin from two minorities, but I had to clean their windshields. Just kidding.

I did try to hit up as many black chicks as possible. All gave me the rolled eyes and a smart-ass quip. I gave it right back. But no coin. I did take up a conversation with a somewhat presentable black dude panhandler. I observed how he picked his marks – mostly young black girls. I approached him to find out his secret. He confirmed, the rattier and smellier one is, the less the likelihood of getting some coin, and the more likely to be insulted or assaulted.

I did manage to get enough coin for a beer and a bag of peanuts at the Red Baron – that took like 4 hours of brazen begging. Wayne gave up after about an hour- managing a whopping $1.25. Oh, old ladies are not easy marks. Most of em downtown looked like welfare recipients. So its understandable.

That incident at Santiago’s may just well have been a case of a big fat bitchy black woman with a big mouth and an uncontrollable urge to dish out severe tongue lashings. Interestingly, she saw me 15 minutes later and made another derogatory remark. Without provocation! Bad day huh bitch? Maybe a bad fucking life? I just smiled and thanked her.

Here’s an interesting tidbit. There was a lot of panhandling competition in and around City Hall. Quite fierce in fact. I personally encountered one instance of shoving and two hefty verbal tirades directed at my person.

Ya know, I think panhandling could be the next big thing. As a profession, I mean.